Monday, June 28, 2010

Illuminated by Football

Ever since I got back from my trip back east, and returned to FUNemployment, I've been struggling. I really thought that I'd slide back into fun time but it's been harder than I expected. I couldn't put my finger on it, until I watched The Blind Side and saw the USA/Ghana World Cup game. One is a story of hope, the other of disappointment.

In The Blind Side, Michael Oher had the worst childhood imaginable. This kid was lucky if he found food. But in a twist of fate, he met a family that helped him and after a lot of hard work, he went to college and is now in the NFL. If you looked at Michael Oher prior to meeting the Tuohys, you would've hoped that he lived past his 18th birthday. But he beat every odd and became a success.

I met friends to watch the USA/Ghana game and admittedly, I know nothing about soccer. What I quickly learned is that the US exhibited the can-do American attitude. They were constantly working hard, taking shots on goal. If they'd fall down, they'd get back up. I thought for sure that they'd prevail because they were dominating. With that many shots on goal, how could they not win? Well, they can be proud of their hard work but it didn't get them to the next level. They failed.

As I'm trying to navigate launching my dog walking business and finishing up my book proposal to send to publishers, I'm worried about whether I'll be a success or a failure. And this fear has paralyzed me. I'm venturing into 2 new territories and I have no idea what I'm doing. I haven't even done anything with dog walking. In this new territory, I have no idea whether I'll be Oher or Donovan and I'm scared.

Luckily, today's NY Post horoscope is once again in tune with me. And it's right, I need to suck it up and get moving:

Don't sit around thinking about what might have been -- get out into the world and do something special. The next few days are going to be crucial to your emotional and mental well-being. Do whatever it takes to be a success.

Well, NY Post, I will do my best. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Putting the Kerry in Karaoke

Aside from putting the fun in unemployment, I need to put the Kerry in karaoke.

While my singing generally is equated with the vocal stylings of a cat on a fence, I bring showmanship. Especially with anything by Bon Jovi. And I love it. In my head, I sound like Kelly Clarkson.

I haven't grabbed the mike in awhile. But I don't think a one night karaoke excursion will do the trick. I want to go to the national championships.

A few years back, a friend of mine made a documentary about the international air guitar competition. It had little traction in the US but that all changed after my friend went on his air guitar tour of greatness.

So, I figured that there must be a national karaoke competition (I won't delude myself into thinking I can go international).

A few key strokes later and google gave me this:

Just you wait, Laughlin, NV! If I can't win my way there, I can buy my way there -- it's just $375 for 7 days of awesomeness. Ooooooooooooooh yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh boooooooyy!

In the end, who doesn't need more karaoke in their lives?

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Back to My Future

I'm funemployed again! My freelance gig from hell ended almost two weeks ago. In the interim, here's what I've done:

1. Went from LAX to JFK. Visited family and friends (but not everyone...time was  my enemy). Had a great time.

2. Met Zach Galifinakis. He gave me his cab on a street corner in the meatpacking district of Manhattan. He was really nice. We chatted for a few minutes.

3. Touched Usher. When I got back to LA, I was craving a super awesome salad at Cafe Midi. I went on the early side, and then decided to walk into American Rag. I was walking and texting...and then touching Usher. He was confused. Then I saw Emma Roberts and Larry King elsewhere. Paparazzi career back on?

4. Watched MI-5 (or Spooks as it's called in England). SO AWESOME. About the UK's FBI. Way better than Law & Order and a lot more addictive. C'mon Netflix & USPS. I need my next episode!

5. Ate 2 Sprinkles cupcakes in 1 day. I'm gearing up for a 21-day cleanse. I couldn't resist the Milk Chocolate and Chocolate Marshmallow deliciousness before my dreary diet of shakes and supplements.

Here's what's next:

1. Scheduling my events for the week. I'm going to do LA's version of yoga on the lawn at the H'wood Standard (free!). Get a free Kerastase treatment and blow out for Locks of Love. Going to see a free comedy show at 10pm on Tuesday night! Free, free, free.

2. Camping out for iPhone 4G. I can get up before dawn and wait for the new iPhone. I can go back to sleep after.

3. Finishing up my book proposal and launch my dog walking business. Almost there. If you need a dog walker, let me know.

4. Have awesomely fun experiences that will make this blog a lot more interesting than it has been!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Alive and Kicking

I wanted to relieve all of your weary minds. The serial killer has not found me. Not that I've been hiding.

I'm nearing the end of my fake/temporary/freelance job. reFunemployment is in sight!

So, in preparation, I've been plotting my next steps. I'm working on a book proposal on this topic (but different from the blog so that you'll all want to buy it!). And I've been researching dog walking to start my business. I'm so committed that I've ordered the business cards. The design is called "Snazzy Dog Walker." I promise you that the design is better than the name.

So I've been a little remiss with blogging or sticking to my promise of living la vida Funemployed. But I did do the following things this Memorial Day weekend:

1. I saw Jessica Simpson out at a bar. She is a lot slimmer in person and quite pretty. If she is overweight, then I'm obese.
2. Got a mani/pedi with the new Chanel color Nouvelle Vague. It is a turquoise/Tiffany blue color. I hear that it is selling on eBay for $50. Not worth that or the hype.
3. Saw Vaughn (Michael Vartan) from Alias in my Coffee Bean. I'd let him be my handler.
4. Went to the beach in Malibu. Heaven.
5. Was awoken in the middle of the night by an extremely drunk girl screaming, "I want you to party in my caca. Like in my ass." A siren call for anal sex? I don't know, but that was not how I wanted to start my Tuesday.

So forgive this random post. Blame it on the neverending book proposal edits. And that drunk girl. But I can promise that reFUNemployment will be a lot more fun.