The Money Tree

"How about I pay your rent for a month while you write your book?" He asked.

"Ummmm, what?" I said incredulously.

To a struggling writer hoping to sell a book, the question asked by that gentleman would seem like a good deal, or at least progress. But not if you're on a date.

The promo director contacted me on OKCupid and we started an email exchange. He is from New Jersey (which he apologized for) and seemed a bit obnoxious when he slammed my LA neighborhood (Hollywood Hills). I was a little reluctant to meet him but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

When I met him, the date started off rocky. He criticized the venue that I picked. I was ready to leave, but thought that I should try to connect with him before writing him off. We started to talk and while it was no love connection (on my part), it was progress. He was starting to touch my arm and my hair which was making me feel a little uncomfortable. And then, he asked me about my book. After explaining the topic, he made the offer. He said that he thought it was a good investment, I'd write the book and then I'd pay him back when it sold.

I tried to take it as a positive vote of confidence but it didn't sit well with me. I feel that it's inappropriate to offer someone money that you've just met...much less on a date. He also offered to pay for a standup comedy class, which I had told him that I didn't even really want to take. Shortly after this exchange, he grabbed my face and slobbered on my closed lips.

I think he was trying to buy a connection to me. Maybe that works on naive girls in LA but I certainly don't want to feel like I was bought and paid for. Or maybe it was about him...he was overweight and in his mid-40s. Maybe he feels like he has nothing else to offer a woman.

I just try to take these dates with a grain of salt. It's nice that they're attracted to me. It's good that I'm getting practice. But for godsakes, when will I meet someone decent? And by decent, I mean a man who doesn't offer me money (with strings of course) and who doesn't ask me about my views on anal sex (Mr. Wasp Jaw). At least not on the first date (kidding!).

I guess it's always darkest before the dawn. Here's hoping it's 4:55am in my dating land.