What does success feel like?

"What does success feel like?" asked the Russian psychologist with whom I found myself walking in a dog park. Needless to say, since Shaggy (my rescue wheaten terrier) has come into my life, I've met some interesting people. Since our dogs were playing, Vladimir and I started chatting. I told him about my book and we started talking about working hard, not having a work-life balance and that's when he asked me that question.

I had to pause and really think about my answer. It's relatively easy to talk about what success looks like. Having a nice house, a great car, a family that loves you and enough money to live comfortably would likely be typical answers. But that's about what you have, not about how you feel.

As Americans, we measure success by what we have. If you work hard, you'll be able to buy an Audi. But once you have it, after awhile you start thinking it'd be nice to have a Mercedes. If I work harder, then I can upgrade...and so on. If you're working so hard, do you have a god quality of life? If you took away all the material items, what is a measure of success?

Is success sitting with your family, having a wonderful meal and feeling that just shy of being too full feeling? Is it feeling the sun on your face as you watch your child playing and having fun? Is it being able to sleep late on Sunday morning? Is it snuggling with your dog while he looks at you with so much love in his eyes? What makes you feel content, happy, complete?

Maybe for you it includes a car, a house with a pool or a designer handbag. But I'm willing to bet that it involves something a lot more priceless. Because it's less tangible, it's easier to forget and lose sight of. You get caught up in a race, looking for that item that can validate all of your effort. See, I have a new car. It was worth it. But a hunk of metal can't love you back or fill you exhausted energy tank or make you have a great relationship with your spouse. Why can't success be the same as happiness?

What does success feel like to you?

Interview 1: The Map Maker

I'm sure it gets boring just reading about me. This is the first interview in a series that explores people's journeys in FUNemployment and what I like to call EmPLAYment, where people follow their passions to success. 


Our first interviewee is Karla, who was laid off in 2011, has embraced FUNemployment and is on her way to EmPLAYment!


Hi Karla! Welcome to FUNemployed, the blog. Can you tell me a little bit about how you became FUNemployed?
Sure, I was working in a large engineering firm for four years until a major business change triggered my layoff. I was very sad at the time but I've learned to make the best of a bad situation. 


Tell us how!
I gave up my apartment, put my stuff in storage and started going on adventures. I have been doing WWOOF during this time, which is worldwide opportunities on organic farms and is a work exchange program. I work 25-35 hours per week on a farm in exchange for food and board. As a lifelong city girl, I never thought I'd know how to milk goats and make cheese. Plus, I get to travel, use my hands and I've met tons of interesting people!


Did your friends and family want to have your head examined?
They definitely thought that I had a break from sanity. Luckily my friends and family are supportive and know that I have a good head on my shoulders. I just explained that it was like a forced summer break, except in winter.

Wow, that's great! Sounds like you really stepped out of your comfort zone. Do you think you'll ever go back to your old industry?
I always look to make connections in the engineering/map making world. I've attended seminars and conventions in Washington and Colorado and managed to find some volunteer work in Minnesota and New Mexico as well. I've been thinking of using my map making skills to help make guides so that people have an easier time of finding these organic farms.


You just may have stumbled upon a new aspect of your career. 
You know, you have a good point. I've always loved being healthy and this could be a way to do some good while also using my skills and making a living.


If you could go back and change anything about your layoff, would you?
In hindsight, no. It was terrible at the time, but I always felt like my old job wasn't my forever job. I've gained more new experiences in the past few months than I ever did at work. I love what I do but I don't know that being at a big firm is really what I want for the long haul. My new experiences have made me a more well-rounded person. I do wish I could whisper in the ear of recently laid off me and tell her that it will all be ok.


Thanks, Karla. I really appreciate you sharing your story. Please do keep us posted about your journey...and if anyone needs a map or organic fruits and vegetables, let her know!


If you're interested in being an interview subject, please send an email to kerrylquinn51674 at gmail (dot) com.

Lightbulbs!

I got a great review from Easily Mused of which I'm really proud. My eBook, "FUNemployed: Finding the Upside in the Downturn," received 5 out of 5 lightbulbs! 

Here's a highlight: 

Kerry Quinn‘s optimism is contagious, and I really enjoyed her book. It was fun, witty, and easy to read. While I’m lucky to never have been unemployed, I came away with lessons that I can apply to other difficult situations as they arise, and I’d recommend this in a heartbeat to anyone just needing a pick-me-up.

Read the rest of the review.

I've also been working on my new Web site which will feature more information about me, the eBook and upcoming projects. I've also done a photoshoot which I can't wait to share. I've uploaded a few samples as a preview. 

I've also been working on an interview series with people who've been able to discover new passions or careers in FUNemployment, share their tips and just great stories. Stay tuned for more to come!

Lastly, I'm appearing on Mike Patterson's radio show on Thursday evening at 7pm EST/4pm PST. Be sure to listen!

Dear Tim Tebow

Dear Tim Tebow, I'm not from Denver, nor am I a Broncos fanatic (but kudos for all those wins!). I've directed my letter to you because you have a direct line to Jesus. For 2012, I have some requests to share with The Big J:

--Kardashians Take Mars--can we send the sisters to outerspace? I don't believe TV signals can be transmitted from there, but they don't need to know that. They can lust for intergalactic fame and we won't hear a damn (oops! darn) thing about it.

--Lindsay "Not Marilyn" Lohan--this is a sad situation. Once a shining little starlet, her addictions have landed her in Playboy. She should pull a Demi Moore and hit up Iowa for awhile and then come back wearing a bikini in a 70's reboot movie, only to marry a 70's set TV star...oh wait, nevermind.

--L.A. douchebag men--Ahnold and Kobe can't keep it in their pants so let's just stop giving them attention, and worse yet, giving men ideas. If you're a man, you're a hunter and should be wooing ladies. Here's a tip: you have a tip...on your penis...and balls, which should give you the courage to ask a lady out. Don't say, "Hey, let me know when you're in my neighborhood," or "Here's my number, call me." If you want to be courted, date another man. If you want to get in a lady's pants, put in some effort. Work even. Remember, easily accessible vaginas belong to whores.

--Glee--this saccharine nightmare gives me diarhee. In fact, it caused Ryan Murphy to overcorrect so much he had to access his inner Satan with American Horror Story. I know you're not into Satan, so just cancel Glee and balance will be restored.

--Flavor-infused Vodka--I don't hit the bottle anymore, but I'm still offended by things like "whipped cream flavored Smirnoff." Really? 'Cause whipped cream offers so much...flavor? Have you hit rock bottom, Smirnoff? Do you drink too much of your own product? Is your product development team in the parking lot doing whippets? 

--Groupon, et al--We've all been duped and it's time to stop Satan in his deal-wielding tracks. How many people have lost out on restaurant deals, realized that steeply discounted skydiving is not a good idea and that dentists offering reduced rate cleanings are likely located in a strip mall next to Vivid Entertainment and known as the dentist of the porn stars (yes, Jesus, this actually happened to me, and thank you, because all STD tests were negative) 

--LMFAO--This band provides some catchy tunes...the first 10 listens. But frequent radio play every 15 minutes makes their lyrics less LMFAO and more IW2BMBO (I want to blow my brains out...which is a sin, so please help me from breaking a commandment)

--Courtney Stoddard and her creepy 51-year-old-husband--I believe in love, but make this creepiness stop. 

--Last but not least: please bring me a sweet wheaten terrier puppy, a non-douchey gentleman boyfriend, Kate moss' wardrobe, a juicer i can operate without cursing, health, luck and happiness for me, my family and friends, jobs for the unemployed and inspiration (as well as wins) for the funemployed.

Sincerely, all the best, with love,

Kerry Quinn 

Leaping Lass

At a shopping event at Fred Segal in Santa Monica, I snagged some swag, saw Bo Brady of Days of Our Lives (he was feeding his daughter) and was more than pleasantly surprised by a new line that they're carrying called A Lot To Say.

Made entirely from recycled plastic bottles, the line offers funny, pithy and inspirational sayings on t-shirts, iPad cases and more. I bought a pair of "Dream" panties. It says something along the lines of, "There are only 3 little letters between can and cannot." Part of the proceeds go to charity and I get the benefit of dreaming from my ass up. Not the most practical of purchases, but I'm not really being practical this week.

I accepted a job offer from a European agency that has a burgeoning office in LA. I'll be one of two people who'll be getting my entrepreneurial groove on. In order to do this, I had to quit my new, corporate (miserable) job. I'm giving up a bonus, health benefits for the next few months and potentially stability. A few years ago, I wouldn't have done this, but back then, I was too scared to dream. But now there's one more job open for someone who would love/appreciate/thrive in it. I'm not that person.

FUNemployment woke up my inner hustler and made me realize that life is too short, companies are not families and you've got to take care of yourself. So, I'm dreaming big, taking a leap and doing what feels right, instead of what looks good on paper.

Job-lash

I was recently stopped in rush hour traffic on the 101 freeway when I was rear ended by a car going 55mph. Just a minute before I was singing my heart out to "Midnight City" by M83 when I needed to hit the brakes. I clenched and said to myself, "Uh oh. 3...2...f$ck." I knew it was coming, but there was little I could do.

Getting laid off and searching for a job can feel like getting rear ended. There's little you can do except to brace for the worst, hope for the best.

Lucky for me, I got a case of whiplash (which is a lot more painful than you think.) I had to sit out the premiere of Leo's new movie "J. Edgar" and have been in the no fun zone until very recently. I realized that despite my pain, I had to get out there, have some fun and generate some positive energy. Negativity breeds like rabbits and can smack you hard, knock you sideways.

No matter how you're feeling, if you're upset by your job search, still frustrated about your layoff, the best thing you can do for yourself is to counter act the negativity and start moving into the positive light. Anything can knock you down at any time. You've got to pick yourself up and live to drive another day.

Thanks. A Lot

Being unemployed during the holidays can make you feel like a native american amongst pilgrims (if you don't know your history, an outsider). Everyone is giving thanks for the blessings in their lives. So what do you have to be thankful for? That pink slip? The 23 emailed job rejections that you've received? The fruitless hours you've spent applying to jobs online only to hear nothing?

 

Yes, you should be thankful for all of these things and more. Your pink slip gives you the opportunity to use your day in new ways...hobbies, self-improvement, starting your own business. Your rejections give you feedback that can allow you to improve your resume, your cover letter or your application style. The hours you've spent applying are planting seeds. It may not result in a job this minute, but I've heard from companies months later about the position to which I applied or another one that's even better.

 

Besides, you can eat to your hearts content knowing you can work out every day for the next week to eliminate any guilt. You can kickstart your holiday shopping next week when everyone else is at work, including taking advantage of layaway programs at stores like Toys 'R Us. You can hunt for the best deals and hit each and every store at your leisure.

 

Enjoy yourself this holiday and appreciate all that you have going for you...not the one thing that you don't have.

 

Additional blessing: I was lucky enough to be a featured guest on Outreach Today's upcoming 11/23 episode Bringing Home the Bacon: Job Troubles, Career Setbacks or Unemployed???. For those listeners (and my faithful readers), get a special 15% discount on my eBook, "FUNemployed: Finding the Upside in the Downturn" with coupon code GY75U when you purchase from Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/57522

 

AND, if you want to listen to my internet radio interview, it's on Wed 11/23 at 1pm ET/10am PT on Voice America. Listen here: 
http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/57652/bringing-home-the-bacon-job-troubles-career-setbacks-or-unemployed-we-have-help-and-inspiration

Rebel Yell

I've never considered myself a rebel. I was the obedient teacher's pet, the one who did everything right. There was an inner rebel inside, wanting to get out but I fought it. Alcohol helped keep me numb.

It wasn't until my FUNemployment that I started to give the finger to convention. I'd done everything right: studied hard, went to a great college, got a job at the world's biggest ad agency and kept climbing the ladder. The only problem was that I was miserable. Doing everything right didn't feel right.

When I was laid off, it was expected that I'd jump right back into the job market. And believe me, I tried. The universe had other plans for me.

In my FUNemployment, I did a lot of fun things. I got healthy. Most of all, I found my inner voice. I decided that I was going to make the most of the opportunity and step out of my box. I look at writing and completing a book as a major accomplishment. Many people told me I was crazy, inquired about when I'd get a "real" job. Well, I've got one again and I couldn't hate it more.

Once again, I've caved to convention. I regressed after having found my true voice. I quieted my rebel yell and it's dying to get out. It doesn't help that I'm by far the most dynamic personality in a staid, conservative company that have been debating the merits of launching a Facebook page for 18 months. It would drive a lot of people insane. It makes my want to really unleash my inner Che Guevera.

Hey Che, let my writing do my yelling, all the way to my Amazon bank.

Occupied

You may have heard your parents wax poetically about protesting and lament that our generation just doesn't get it. Maybe we had nothing to be angry enough about. Until now.

Our country has the worst economy that I've lived through and I think I could say the same for my parents. Unemployment is holding steady at 9.1% and is estimated to be as high as 16% if you include the 99 weekers who no longer have benefits at their disposal. While Occupy Wall Street isn't specifically protesting unemployment, our banking system failures and bad decisions led us straight into this down economy and current unemployment crisis.

As I exit the Bank of America building for my lunch break at my new job, I've seen the protesters marching and camping out at City Hall in downtown LA. I know that they look at me like a financial services douchebag, but my heart belongs with them. Instead of expensed steak dinners and Obama soliciting campaign donations, job creation should be the biggest priority.

I enjoyed my FUNemployment and made the most of the experience. I strongly believe that it was the opportunity that I needed to rediscover my love of writing. I share my tips and tools for how to not only survive but thrive in unemployment. While I plot my writing career whenever I have a free moment between my 6 hours of daily meetings, I know there are lots out there that are dying to get back to work. Their minds are occupied daily with thoughts of that next job. Let's hope they get their chance sooner rather than later.

Beware Saying "Extra" Really Fast

While attending a loud gathering for volunteers of an organization that facilitates arts and crafts programs in local children's hospitals, I was regaling my FUNemployment tales. One item that I listed drew great interest.

Me: I learned to surf, wrote a book, took up photography and, oh yeah! I was an extra in a movie.

Him: You were in an x-rated movie?

Me: Yeah, I was an extra in a movie.

Him: Seriously?

Me: Yeah. I mean only the back of my head was on camera and it was tedious but I got an imdb profile out of it.

Him: Wow, I've never met anyone in porn.

Me: WHAT?! Who said anything about porn?

Him: You said you were in an x-rated movie.

Me: I was an EXTRA in a movie. As in I was in the background. Everyone was clothed. Nothing illicit, except for the acting. This event is for kids!?!

Him: I know. I've gotta get my mind out of the gutter.

Me: Yup.

The Hallmark of Critical Mass

I've been blogging about FUNemployment since January 2010 and published my eBook in May 2011. I'm sorry to say that people are still living in unemployment and more are joining the ranks every month. Unemployment is not a blip on the screen.

What's really makes me certain? Hallmark has created a line of cards for the unemployed. You know that when a major company not known for its agility creates a new category, it's because it's a great idea (patting myself on the back) but it's also necessary.

So, if you've been laid off, check your mail. You may just get the "Things I don't know" card whose interior says, "Bad things happen to good people." Indeed.

You can check out the Hallmark selection here:
http://www.hallmark.com/Browse/Index?n=&ctx=ContentSearchProfile&pg=1&rpp=&sort=&k=job%20loss&npath=&availableLocation=

Passion is so in fashion

"Do what you love and the money will follow," said by someone(s) successful.

When you're unemployed, it's hard to figure out which way to turn. I found myself going in several directions...job apps, book writing, social media consulting. It's the "I'll throw everything against the wall to see what sticks" approach. I know from speaking with my fellow ex-employed that I'm not alone. One friend (I'll call him "D") was applying to jobs, created a plan for a new business and pitched local businesses to get consultant gigs. We'd commiserate about our collective exhaustion but figured there wasn't any other way.

How about instead of putting a lot of effort into many areas you focus on one: what you love.

I've been reading Gary Vaynerchuk's book "Crush It!" where he stresses focusing on what you're most passionate about. If you love what you're doing, it will come through...people will be turned on, word will spread, business will grow. If you love bread, create a blog, do some podcasts, become an authority and the result could be opening your own eshop or writing books or having your own internet show. However it results, you've made yourself the bread guru. (And it doesn't have to be bread...it could be robots, shoes, funemployment or wine (like Gary)).

Following your passion means being yourself, not what everyone wants you to be. I think this is something that I've struggled with. "D" struggled with it too. If you're considered successful in one vein and then it's ripped away from you, do you say what everyone wants to hear? Do you dare to embrace your passion if it wasn't what you were doing before layoff? People wanted to hear that my life was over after my layoff. Well, I wrote an entire book challenging that notion. Some people weren't happy about either development (writing and funemployment). D faced criticism when speaking about his business idea. Eventually, neither of us could be inauthentic about our experiences (believe me, it took some time to get there!)

If you're applying to jobs and getting frustrated, think about what you love to do. Figure out a way to share it with your unique personality. Try blogging, podcasting, vlogging. The worst that can happen is no one follows you. The best thing that can happen is that it takes off and you end up with a whole new career.

Dedicated readers: Get 15% off my eBook "FUNemployed: Finding the Upside in the Downturn" with coupon code GC49Y at Smashwords through 9/30. http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/57522

Interview? Or Interrogation?

I like to think of interviewing as dating. Employers can sometimes think of it like their opportunity to interrogate candidates.

Take a FUNemployee named Matt. He had two interviews recently. Going into it, he was prepared, calm and armed with questions. Too bad that he never got a chance to ask even one.

He was grilled by his interviewers who were trying to determine if he was a good fit for the job and the company. While he felt like he successfully answered their questions, he had little clarity about what his role would really be.

When you're FUNemployed, a company looks at Matt and thinks that he has no leverage. He'd be lucky to have a job, from their perspective. While this is true for many, there is something to be said for both parties liking one another. There's nothing worse than an employee starting a job and realizing it's nothing like what they expected. No one wins in that scenario.

Here's my tip of the day: if you have questions and don't have time to ask them, ask if you can follow up with the interviewer via email or your HR contact to ask your questions. Showing engagement and interest can work in your favor. Having all of the information can only help everyone in the end!

"How Did You Get Your Job?"

Since I've got my job offer, the most frequent question that I've been asked (other than "What is it?") is "How did you get it?" I wish there was a secret.

Actually, I take that back. I got a job at a company that is established, yet only recently embraced digital marketing. Their mantra is to forge full steam ahead--quickly and decisively. That's why I have a job today.

When you're unemployed, you have little to no leverage. Companies can choose to take their time with you because they feel like you'll be around if there aren't any better options. Some companies won't even consider you if you're unemployed. I think it's important to have freelance gigs or something that you're working on to help defray this discrimination. Technically, I'm still in the interview process at several companies. They chose not to pull the trigger because they didn't feel any pressure.

Another warning sign: beware the "newly created job." I interviewed for three of those. No one has been hired for any of them. While the position may be needed, if there isn't someone doing that job now no bean counter in the world is going to allocate funds in this up and down economy.

My best tip is to keep your ears to the ground. Read industry trades. If an ad agency wins news business, keep your eyes peeled. (This is generally a sign of change within a company so it applies even if you're not in the ad biz). If a company has better than expected earnings, check out their careers page. If an industry is hot (anything tech & digital would qualify) learn who is leading the pack.

I got a lot of interviews from applying to online job postings. I think I could've been smarter earlier by doing what I wrote in the paragraph above and set up job alerts at target companies (I did this for the job I got).

Recruiters, meh. I got nothing from them, other than some inside scoop. It's worthwhile to talk to them, but if they were to get you a job, the company has to pay them. The company already has enough resumes. Don't rely on the middleman to get you a job. BUT they may give you some ideas about companies that may be hiring. You know what to do...Go get 'em tiger!

The Last Stand

Today was my last day as a FUNemployee. I start full-time employment tomorrow and I feel tranquil. I don't feel dread or anxiety. I feel ready to get back to work.

In reviewing at my FUNemployment list for any last ditch items to complete this past week, I can't find any that I felt compelled to do. I wanted to go horseback riding, but the universe is blocking it. I've been trying to do this one since February and every time it gets cancelled. I made one last ditch attempt and it failed.

I wanted to ride the ferris wheel at the Santa Monica pier but that doesn't need to happen now. Ideally, I'd do that with a boyfriend. I could do it alone or with a friend but that just doesn't feel right.

I could've tried to take a last minute getaway, but travel requires energy and I was better served in resting and relaxing here. I've done a lot of activities, accomplished writing a book, learning how to write a press release and do publicity, went to the ESPYs, was an eBay seller, landed freelance projects, was an extra in a movie, lost 20 lbs, became a vegan, quit drinking and smoking for good, got my debt under control, went to a movie premiere, reset my priorities, went on some insane dates, learned to surf, visited Santa Barbara, saw some great concerts (some even for free), took up photography and learned to enjoy life again.

There's nothing more to accomplish.

My road to employment has arrived at its destination. I will continue to post about FUNemployment. Less so about my own experiences, but those of others and tips for how to survive that I learned along the way. I will keep all of the lessons that I've learned in my heart and my head as I move into emPLAYment!

Take Me To The Rivers

As I'm wrapping up my freedom/FUNemployment, I decided to take in one last TV show taping. What started with a Chelsea Lately taping a few days after my layoff should fittingly end with another E! show: Fashion Police.

I went earlier in the summer and met Joan Rivers and chatted with one of the writers of the show. It was an intimate experience and I definitely felt like I was part of the show, instead of a trained monkey forced to clap. Joan is hilarious so there is no question about genuinely laughing.

This time the set was more raucous and lively. There were 2 guests: Zanna from Marie Claire and Amber Rose (she dated Kanye). Joan went to town on the Jersey Shore cast at the MTV Video Awards. Melissa's son was in the audience. I sat next to an eyelash mogul and a Medieval History professor at UCLA. I chatted with Kelly Osbourne whose outfit I loved. The show should be really funny. We ran late because Joan was on quite a few rolls.

For the Amber Rose fans, she is gorgeous in person, has two people in her entourage, did not talk about Kanye and revealed that she has guidettes in her family since they are all based in Jersey/Philly.

Joan was lovely and I got to take another picture with her. She loved my necklace, I told her that I loved her on Louie. She gave me a little squeeze when I said that and then went back to the show.

I thought it was a fitting end to my FUNemployment. We've all got to get back to our shows and I'm happy to have the opportunity.

The girl who smelled like pee

An 8-hour interview extravaganza (8 people, 8 hours) was extended to 9.5 hours (9 people, 9.5 hours!). I know that I’m lucky for the opportunity but way to take me from the minor leagues to the Olympic decathalon (yeah, I know baseball is not an Olympic event. Roll with it). I reached deep for my inner Derek Jeter/Gold medal decathlete (Bruce Jenner?) and ate my Wheaties.

Of course, I didn’t sleep that night. I had nervous energy, tossed and turned and cursed myself under and over my breath. At 2am, I got up and hit the treadmill in my building's gym. Totally insane and unsafe. After I’d run a mile, a really weird guy briskly came into the gym and I hightailed it out of there. Ironically, the running/fear combo did the trick. I fell asleep. Until my 6am wake up.

I went to my first interview at 7:30am and then had a break to get my first of 4 lattes. Over the course of the day, I just kept telling myself, “YOU CAN DO IT!” like that horrible infomercial guy with the curly ponytail.

At one break, I went to the ladies room. There wasn’t a tissue toilet cover and I won’t sit on a public toilet. I squatted and did my business. I quickly realized that I peed on the back of my pant leg (just a little bit). Ready to cry (fatigue and caffeine crash combo) I dabbed and wet the spot, let out a sigh and moved forward.

In the next interview, when talking about tweens and social media, the interviewer said, “Isn’t it terrible for tweens? Imagine being known as the girl that peed on herself not only in your school but to anyone on Facebook?” I gulped. Is she trying to tell me that I smelled like pee? Naw, paranoia. Or so I think.

Well, readers, it worked out because I just got a job offer and accepted. The secret? A lot of hard work, caffeine, lack of sleep, 2am running and the faint aroma of urine. You’re welcome, America.

Book Excerpt: From Chapter 3

As Seen on TV 

Post-layoff, the anxiety dreams got worse. I’d stay up later at night and sleep a little bit later in the morning, but I felt a compulsion to get up and apply for jobs like a mad woman. As an overachiever, I checked every site, networked like CBS—except I was hardly sleeping. This new sleep deficit coupled with my existing sleep deprivation made for quite a combination. Never was this more apparent than when I went to a taping of Chelsea Lately.

Not only does Los Angeles have amazing weather and lots of people working non-traditional jobs to hang out with during the day, but also there are free TV show tapings. Audience members are always in short supply. All you need to do is go to a show’s Web site, click through for tickets and submit your information. Some shows are booked for a few weeks but most are easy to get tickets for if you plan ahead.

At 1 p.m. on a Wednesday (woo hoo!), I headed to the studios where Chelsea Lately tapes. As a worker, I would have been hunkering down to get the rest of what I needed done so I could leave at a decent hour. The only way that I could’ve managed this would have been to take the day off and constantly check my voicemail and email. So, I already felt like I’d hit the jackpot.

Chelsea No Sleepy 

When I arrived at the studio, I checked in, got in line and hoped I’d make it in to see the taping. First, I failed to read the ticket and brought every banned item possible (large bag, food, umbrella) and got quite, well, terse with security. Then I fell asleep standing in line. Security must have thought I was on drugs or just batsh*t crazy. I explained that I was narcoleptic since I was too embarrassed to say that I’d been laid off (I hadn’t quite gotten through my Bargaining stage at this point).

Eventually, I scored an entry but one thing I didn’t know about show tapings: the studios are freezing (it helped keep me awake at least). And you don’t get a good view of the whole show, kind of like going to the theater but with huge cameras in the way. You also have to sit there for a long time before the show starts and clap constantly throughout the show.

I’ll never know if the security team warned the warm-up guy or not, but he definitely zeroed in on me. He asked me where I was from and after I said, “Hollywood,” he responded by saying, “No wonder you’re so jaded, tired and unhappy.” After a couple more, um, “shout-outs” during his set, I was even crankier than when I got in line.

Don’t get me wrong—watching the actual show was a ton of fun. You see people in real life that you watch on TV (Chelsea is much skinnier in person). I laughed the entire show and completely forgot that I was unemployed (and that I was mocked mercilessly by the warm-up stand up.). I felt special because I got to do something that most people don’t have the time to do. That’s when it hit me that this list had some merit: I could stop being sad sack unemployed Kerry and be the-world-is-my-oyster FUNemployed Kerry.

At the end of the show, I stood up and noticed that the warm up stand up was looking at me, horrified. I was wearing skinny jeans, flats, a blazer and an empire waist blouse. The way that my shirt was puckering out (and let’s face it, my carb baby stomach), I looked pregnant. I could see a wave of remorse on his face for torturing me. I thought about correcting him, but quickly changed my mind. I never said revenge wasn’t part of FUNemployment.

On my way out, the security guard with whom I interacted most stopped me and said, “I saw him point you out and pick on you. But you got a smile on your face now. Girl, go home and get some sleep.”

I got home close to 5 p.m. and promptly took a four-hour nap (as instructed by security). Yep, just because I could. I was extra tired from all of that clapping. When I woke up, I thought to myself, “Whoo! That was scary. I didn’t realize I was so tired.”

And then it dawned on me. Of course I’m tired. I’ve just been through a traumatic experience after months of torture. As important as it was that I look for a job and feel like I’m living, I needed to take care of myself. I learned the hard way that sleep is really important and made it my mission to never be that sleep deprived again. Especially because I’m pretty sure that my picture is on the wall of the E! security station with the caption “Banned,” “Confiscate food at your own risk” or “Crazy sleepwalking zombie.” Can’t get myself banned from anywhere else—and that includes potential employers.

Cost saving tip: If you’re having trouble sleeping, don’t get yourself hooked on costly Lunesta or Ambien. Go the more natural route with Melatonin. Trader Joe’s offers a great Melatonin product at a good price. In Los Angeles, it’s less than $5 for a bottle of 90 pills.

Juice Cleanses are Hell in a Glass

I’m a vegan. Relax, I’m not here to convert you and I don’t want to hear any garbage about the awesomeness of meat. I’m confessing to set the stage of my story.

I met a nutritionist who used to live in NYC, worked in advertising (sales, not agency) and had some of the same health issues that I had (fibroid tumor). We talked about how nutrition and stress played such a huge part in our health problems. We bonded and she told me that she wanted to help me.

In the spirit of FUNemployment, I went for it. No time like to present to get my eating habits under control. My goal of our meeting was to get a balanced eating plan. I have no idea if I’m getting all the nutrients I need. I mean, if I eat vegan eggplant, do I pair it with a salad or whole wheat pasta? Or both?

In lieu of said plan, she insisted on putting me on a juice cleanse. I could eat one meal at night. Her definition of a meal and mine differ greatly. She excitedly told me that I could have a salad and quinoa for dinner. My first thought was, “Cardboard for one.”

I told myself, “Ok, you’re tough. You can make it through anything.” WRONG. By day three, I was bed ridden by the afternoon, weeping from starvation. I just wanted a carb, any carb but preferably a bagel, a cupcake, a chocolate chip cookie and if my stomach permitted, a loaf of bread.

What was supposed to reboot my system and force me to crave vegetables left me a sobbing, starving, sad excuse for a lady. EPIC FAIL free nutritionist that I met at an event. I got what I paid for. And, I still have no idea what to pair with that eggplant. If you happen to know, let me know. 

My first radio interview for the eBook!

I did a radio interview that has been posted on this Web site http://www.thebusinessauthorsshow.com/ from now through the end of 8/23

I said the word positive a million times and rambled a lot. I did manage to use the phrase "per se" (I rolled my own eyes and said Oy Vey when I heard it) but I think it's a good first effort. It was also the day after a 9.5 hour marathon so I'm giving myself some slack. Take a listen and I hope you enjoy!