Patience Patients

Absurdity is drawn to me like Courtney Love to a pharmacy. Take my experience with Dr. Jacques, the chiropractor.


Since I'm paying for COBRA (thank you Obama subsidy!) I figured I'd get some doctor's appointments out of the way. Neurologist for migraines that I've had since I was 3? Check. Physical therapist, Unfortunately yes. Acupuncture? Check. Dr. Jacques? Oh. My. God.


The net-net, my neurologist thinks some of my migraines are attributed to neck tightness and strain. Physical therapy was recommended but the therapist screwed up my neck. To fix chronic pain that I've had for a few months, I went to acupuncture and eventually ended up going to Dr. Jacques.


A mini French man with a yarmulke, Dr. Jacques immediately told me that I'm tense. Stressed. My chi is blocked. He told me to take 10 deep breaths a day. To meditate. To get a mini trampouline and jump on it for 4 minutes a day. In my apartment. Wait, what?


Then he twisted, stretched and adjusted me. He showed me an exercise which entails gripping a door threshold and stretching my chest through. But to illustrate it properly, he had to open his jacket exposing his chest hair?!? With stereotypical French flair, he did the exercise and proclaimed, "Voila." I wondered, French or hitting on me?


For 2 hours, I'm certain my face had a pained look of uncertainty. But I have to say, for 4 days I have had the least pain that I've had for quite a long time. A little patience, a lot of absurdity and chest hair could just be the recipe for success. Developing...